Quarantine Life Lessons (and stuff)
Sup Nerds!?
I know most have you been sitting around day and night praying to the sweet dear lord baby Jesus that I’m doing alright in my tiny apartment in NYC. The answer is “I'M TOTALLY GREAT AND NOT GOING CRAZY AND ALL MY IMAGINARY FRIENDS ARE BEING SUPER COOL TO ME AND YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. HAHAHAHAHA…”. But for reals, I’m holding up, and I hope you are too. Anyone else been feeling super emotional recently? Ya know like empathizing for healthcare workers and feeling bad for anyone who has lost a loved one and/or their livelihood during this time? And also, for all of us who have to cope with the uncertainty of how long this nonsense could last? Well, I know I am, and as much as all this sucks, I keep telling myself that there is so much to be learned and gained during a dark time like this. For example, I read a book last week. Like a whole one, and it felt super great. Also, I baked for the first time in my life (not including pot brownies), and I feel like I’m really growing as a person. So amongst all the pain and suffering, here are a list of 10 things I’ve learned during quarantine…
1. Slowing life down isn’t as bad as some people make it out to be. I’m finally taking the time to do the dishes and clean my apartment and floss my teeth. I even make my bed in the morning which just brought a single tear to my mom’s eye.
2. Not worrying about your appearance on a daily basis is pretty liberating. Got a zit? Who cares! You can be your nastiest, grossest, pig of a self, and it’s so damn fun. Thanks to my trusty sweat pants, I may never have to do laundry ever again (that brought multiple tears to my mom’s eyes).
3. We’re not very good at being patient. Wanting to go bowling and being bad at cutting your own hair are not a good excuse to protest in the streets. Also, like maybe these health experts who studied in college instead of blacking out 5 nights a week know what they’re talking about? But what do I know, I used to black out 7 nights a week.
4. My downstairs neighbors are not a fan of my electric drum set. They told me to stop playing, so I picked up a few new hobbies including platform shoe river dancing, indoor jack hammering, and repeatedly slamming the Oxford English Dictionary on the ground. It’s a love/love relationship.
5. When times are tough you learn to appreciate so much more. I never thought I would use the words “thoroughly riveting” to describe the NFL draft. Also, for the first time in my life, I look forward to calling my parents.
6. Scottie Pippen was underpaid, Dennis Rodman is my hero and Michael Jordan is way better than LeBron (in terms of making my Sunday nights the best night of the week). Do yourselves a favor and watch the Chicago Bulls documentary (NOW!). Ron Harper sums up how all of us feel..
7. Delivery guys are gonna be real upset once life goes back to normal and we all stop tipping 75%. And now that we discovered Instacart, some of us may never leave the house again.
8. Maybe this whole situation is a wake up a call, and we should look at this as an opportunity to better ourselves and society. Good news is, the government would never use this as a platform for political gain instead of looking out for our best interests (HAHAHAHAHAHA…gun shot)
9. Clorox is not good for you. Don’t drink or ingest it. Lysol is way better.
10. And lastly, no matter how isolated you are, loving people and having people who love you is truly all that matters in this very crazy world we live in. I love you all, and I hope you feel the same about me (Unsubscribe and I’ll kill you)
That’s it for now. I’ve got a sketch podcast coming out soon, so I’ll definitely keep you all in the loop when that is finished. Shakespeare wrote “King Lear” and “Macbeth” during the Bubonic plague, and so far, I wrote a sketch about Jimmy Buffet (great art comes from tragedy). In the meantime, stay safe, stay smart, and always remember, none of this is the Jews’ fault.
Love,
Jeremy
P.S. Keep donating to good causes if you have the money!
